The Aesthetics of Ass






The Aesthetics of Ass


                The buttocks by definition are the two rounded prominences on the human torso that are posterior to the hips and are formed by the gluteal muscles and the underlying structures beneath.  But that description is a rather dry and tame way of describing the two mounds of delectable flesh which can actually be said to have caused so much trepidation and triumph in the world of men.  The buttocks, whether female or male has had both a direct and indirect affect upon the direction of history, after all the idea of democracy was born in a society in which the love of ass was taken to heights previously unimagined.  Men will accomplish the impossible in the pursuit of a round backside.  Some misguided individuals will point to those other desirable protuberances on the anterior section of the female body as the real source of male infatuation and inspiration, but to those men I would say be still; your lust for breasts is only a shadow, a poor reflection of the truth which is that we love breasts only because they mimic the shape of the buttocks in all their glory.  After all, if we still walked on all fours what would be the focal point of attraction in terms mating?  It would be the buttocks and certainly not the breasts.    But I shall not yet wax poetic about the female nether regions, at least not yet.  Before I can paint the picture of our male passions I must provide a framework to support it.  So let’s look at the science behind our love of asses.


                In human females the buttocks are generally more round and voluptuous than those of us males, a phenomenon caused by the presence of the hormone estrogen which causes the body to store fat in the buttocks, hips and thighs.  This phenomenon is one that is used for great effect by transgender males to mimic the female form by taking large amounts of estrogen to transform their bodies into a form that nature itself sees as the height of femininity.  Evolutionary psychologists suggest that a well-rounded, firm and voluptuous backside is an indication of a woman’s youth and fertility, signaling the presence of estrogen and sufficient fat stores for lactation.  In fact, another study took account of this very same fat, which is mostly composed of polyunsaturated fatty acids which are important for fetal brain development.  Of the women tested those with a low waist to hip ratio (that is a slim waist, shapely hips, and round behind) were found to produce children of greater intelligence.  So even science seems to be reinforcing and endorsing what most normal men have always known; a woman with shapely hips and round behinds are more fit to survive reproduction and will also produce higher quality offspring, and this is why even if we don’t want to admit these truths, are why we love them so much.


                But the idea of a plump behind being the standard of beauty is not a new one, in fact throughout history it has been the benchmark of beauty if most cultures.  Renaissance artists were famous for their portrayal of plump nude women, and even Victorian women wore huge bustles in order to exaggerate the size of their backsides while cinching their waists.  WWII pinups were curvy with plump bottoms to match and even in Asia where the backside of women tend to be smaller than those in the rest of the world, statues of Goddesses possess small waists, curvy hips and round bottoms, while Chinese sages have described a gorgeous backside as two perfect moons.  There is of course a genetic component to the shape of asses and with it is intertwined certain stereotypes that have arisen because of this genetic component, but I will return to that in a moment.


                The term “bubble butt” or better yet the term “badonkadonk” signifies a type of backside where the two cheeks are rounded to an exaggerated degree, like a “bubble” or two fully inflated basketballs side by side. Scientifically speaking this phenomenon is known as a steatopygous backside and seems to be more pronounced among peoples who live in hot and dry places, such as Africa.  It is said that by concentering all the fat in one place the body can still accumulate plenty of nutrients reserves in times of plenty without increasing the risk of overheating due to the thermal insulation effects.   It is these physiological reasons that I believe have led to the stereotype that I have been avoiding until now; that all Black men love big asses.


                Okay let’s just get it out of the way.  Yes Black men like a shapely backside.  I know this because I am a Black man and I know for a fact that my tastes have been molded by what I have seen around me growing up, the abundance of bubble butts and bandonkadonks that genetics has given my race in excess.  In our society this body type is the norm, so Black women grow up celebrating their posterior attributes rather than denigrating or trying to hide it as women of other races in past would do.  How many of us remember when Sir Mix-A-Lot shocked the world with his song “Baby got Back?”  Who can forget the two White girls at the beginning of the song discussing with disgust how big and round another girl’s ass was?  And in the end one proclaims “it’s just so Black!”  How the tables have turned it seems since, now that less than two decades after that song came out, Jennifer Lopez made it fashionable, acceptable and indeed highly desirable to have a bubble butt, indeed she based her entire career on the strength of her butt cheeks (figuratively and literally speaking). The Buns of Steel workout tape became an overnight bestseller and red beans and rice became the new staple food of Middle America!  Women in the 90’s all the way to the present have once again learned to celebrate their curves and us men, whether Black, White, Chinese, or whatever race we represent are right there alongside them to celebrate them too.


                So what was my point?  I seem to have been distracted by visions of gorgeous mountains of flesh speaking to me.  Oh yes, a firm and curvaceous backside is not just the province of Black men, it is what all men want.  Great Men throughout history have jumped through fires for a gorgeous rump.  The Pharaoh Ankh-an-Aten in pursuit of Nefertiti and her rump embraced monotheism and changed the known world.  Julius Caesar chased Cleopatra, and so did Mark Anthony.  Octavian chased her too, and would have had it too, if she had not taken her own life, all three of them influenced by dreams of empire inspired by her ass.  Henry VIII of England defied the Pope and the Catholic Church in pursuit of the perfect ass over and over again in the end making himself head of his own church in order to facilitate his quest and King Edward VIII another English monarch abdicated his throne for the allure of Mrs. Wallace’s curvaceous backside.  In the US President’s Kennedy and Clinton were ruled by their hunger for the Gluteus Maximus, blinding them both to certain realities while at the same time revealing others which in the end benefitted the country.  And if you believe Dan Brown in his “Da Vinci Code” then even Jesus Christ himself defied crucifixion, death and destiny, leaving the Holy Land to settle elsewhere in the world with his hand firmly wrapped around the curvaceous hips of his wife Mary Magdalene.  With that being said what better example of how we are to live our lives could we strive to follow, than the example of the Son of God?  I hope I didn’t offend too many people with my humble words, but in the immortal words of Sir-Mix-A-Lot “I like big butts and I cannot lie,” so the rounded rump obligates me to speak out the truth.





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